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Post by Cassiel on Feb 28, 2016 5:51:48 GMT
CASTIEL--
The whole thing with Anna left him feeling at a loss. He wished he'd been able to help her more, maybe bring her to Lebanon, where he could find a place for her to rest, to pull herself together. But...he'd been unable to ignore that instinctive feeling, so very strong, that told him she had to remain in that lonely, abandoned little church for awhile longer. Still, at least she had the means to reach him, or Dean or Sam, if she preferred. After all, he couldn't entirely blame her. They'd each betrayed the other, and...it was difficult. Awkward, perhaps. Yet, he couldn't help the traces of joy he felt at knowing that she had a second chance, and...well, maybe he did too, with her, as he had with so many other things.
Unable to bring himself to return home – and wasn't that just a strange thing to be able to say, or think in this case, after so long without any real home – to Meg until he got his roiling thoughts and emotions under control, he'd opted to go back to the one fairly neutral place in town he could and still feel comfortable. Apparently, even archangels still needed to just because to relax, sometimes.
He appeared around the corner of Kelley's, out of sight, so as not to startle anyone. And his thoughts were so tangled, wrapped up in trying to sort out the recent events, that he paid no real mind to anything outside of his own head. He entered Kelley's with a faint notion of, perhaps, seeing if Nan was busy. Talks with her, even when he couldn't really speak in detail of what was troubling him, always seemed to help him sort things out in his own mind.
However, he came to a halt when he realized someone was sitting at his usual corner table, a table that was usually left alone otherwise, for reasons he'd never really fathomed. Worse, however, was that the someone sitting there was familiar, and it was only his attention that made him realize he'd been feeling the subtle hum of restrained grace – archangel grace, no less – ever since he'd flown in from Massachusetts.
Well, he supposed it wasn't entirely unexpected. He'd had the feeling one of his brothers would come looking or him at some point. He was fully aware that the event that recreated him as an archangel was very likely to have been felt by them, being an event of such incredible and unprecedented magnitude. He'd just...hoped to have more time to get used to his new abilities, the new power, before there was a confrontation.
His fists clenched at his sides briefly, before he forced them to relax as he finished his approach to the table. He pulled out the chair opposite his brother, and took a seat without a word. And he let that silence stretch out for a few moments, studying the angel across from him. Upon taking in the worn, weary look in his brother's amber eyes, some of his anger cooled at the invasion of what he was coming to regard as his territory, leaving primarily wariness in its place.
“Gabriel,” he said, with more warmth to his voice than he'd intended. Okay, maybe, once, so very long ago, they'd had a closeness. And Gabriel had been a large part of how he was walking around now in his own vessel, instead of trapped with Lucifer still. But...he couldn't let that affect him now. Things were different, and he honestly wasn't sure how any of his brothers, closer now than they had been, with his own elevation, would take the change Death had seen fit to make to him. Yet, he couldn't help feeling a sense of closeness with, at the very least, this particular brother. “It's...good to see you.” And he meant it, his tone filled with an intense sincerity that surprised even him.
GABRIEL--
Gabriel had snapped himself into the little town that had greatly amused him at one time, he wasn’t here to meet up with the brothers – no, that would be a different time, a different story. One he wasn’t ready to start just yet. America was a daunting prospect to him after having visited different countries overseas. People here were… different.
He couldn’t quite put his finger on the difference.
Nan was different too, a good different, as she calmly served him coffee with a slice of pie. When he asked after a man with dark hair and eyes brighter than the skies, she knew exactly who he spoke of – but wouldn’t tell him. The loyalty ran deep in her, Gabriel could tell – and it pleased him, even if it was frustrating. With that conversation, he had chosen a table, it was the table that shone the brightest in the room. The whole town was like that, touches of brightness that spoke to his brother’s grace. Different, but still the same.
Everything was different.
But not that hum. He could feel the hum pick up deep inside of him out of nowhere. His fork stopped halfway to his lips which curved in a half-smile. It had to be one of his brothers, but he hoped it was one he wanted to see.
Gabriel heard the door open, he didn’t turn just yet, he would let the brother reveal himself. He finished off the bite of pie, placing the fork down on the plate as he waited. When Castiel revealed himself, Gabriel looked up, a gentle tilt of his head. “Hello,” his voice soft, tired. “It’s good to be seen,” he placed his hands on the top of the table, curling them together as he studied his brother, trying to see traces of the power – if it had changed him.
“You’ve changed,” he kept his voice low, not wanting people to hear the conversation. “And you are hard to find, in some ways,” his lips quirked in slight amusement, “not so much in other ways.”
CASTIEL--
Well, there was a bonus, at least. Gabriel showed his hands without even having to be asked, and no sign of a blade in sight, though Castiel wasn't stupid enough to believe Gabriel didn't have one available to him, ready to be called at a moment's notice, should he need it. He tilted his head, considering his brother, letting silence stretch out for several moments before he finally answered, his expression remaining serious and wary, despite the warmth he felt toward Gabriel.
“I..have. In a lot of different ways.” His eyes darted around the room, then fastened on Nan watching them, a wariness on her own face that he found unsettling. He gave a subtle shake of his head to her, and she looked away, though he suspected it didn't mean she was watching them any less, only...more subtly. He returned his attention to Gabriel, squinting as he tried to imagine what his brother might want from him, aside from just coming to see for himself what had become of Castiel.
Finally, he let himself relax, visibly at least, though he knew his brother would feel his grace writhing, barely under his control, as was too often the case since the remaking. He leaned back in his seat, lips twisting in a strained smile. “I try to be hard to find on purpose. I have good reason, especially...now.” His eyes flitted away, then back again. “Several good reasons, it turns out.”
He let his eyes rove again, at random, seeing the faint traces of his own grace, telltale signs to those who were capable of seeing them. He shook his head, returning his attention once more to his brother. “It's hard...to control, now. I guess I wasn't doing as well as I thought.” He looked down to the table, where he'd picked up a napkin and was fiddling with it. It brought to mind his slip with Nan, and he shoved it away, frustration flitting across his face before he looked back up to Gabriel. “It's just so...much,” he admitted, wondering at his words even as he said them, and scowling at bit at his habitual return to telling Gabriel of his troubles just as he'd done as a fledgling.
Straightening in his seat again, he studied Gabriel once more, still finding the worn, even tired appearance that reached even through to his grace to be startling. “Did you just come to have a look for yourself, or...is there something I can do for you, Gabriel?”
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Post by Cassiel on Mar 1, 2016 1:31:40 GMT
GABRIEL--
Gabriel gave a slight smile at his brother, “you have,” he nodded in agreement before holding up a hand, “relax.” The shake of his head was slow – just like his voice, “I have no designs to harm you.” He dropped the hand back down onto the table before picking up the fork so he could finish his pie. “The pie is good here,” he flashed a comfortable smile at Castiel, “I can see why you are here often.”
He took a bite, nodding his head, “we all bleed, some more than others,” a slow tilt of his head, “you’re just bleeding more right now until you can handle it.” He crinkled his nose, “but you’ll get it under control. You’re Castiel.” He took another bite, listening to his brother, watching his movements. His brother was cagey, it made him wonder. “What reasons, little brother?” He gave him a curious look, finishing his pie as he did so.
He took a swallow, leaning back against his seat as he studied Castiel with those amber eyes. “It is a lot,” he agreed, “it’s still a lot even for me.” He looked down to the empty plate, considering what words to use, “especially right now.” He lifted his eyebrows, dropping them, “sometimes I wish we didn’t have all this grace.” He chuckled, folding his hands on top of each other as he returned his gaze to his brother.
“I had to see, the little brother that got a promotion. How?”
CASTIEL--
Castiel squinted at Gabriel, then, sighed and let himself relax more fully, leaning back in his seat, actually believing that his brother meant no harm. Though, there was still an edge of wariness to him. He just had too many secrets to protect, and too many things to pass along to Gabriel that he felt...might not go across so well. “Yes, Dean used to bring me here.” He didn't even give thought to his phrasing, very much a past tense thing, nor to how his brother might interpret it. “And, well...lately, I've found it to be very...pleasant, the pie, the coffee. It's...different.” Then again, nearly everything was different.
Unable to resist the impulse, he rolled his eyes at Gabriel, but didn't deign to respond otherwise to the silly implication that he was somehow more capable of handling the change just because of who he was. He just didn't have quite that level of self-confidence yet. Besides, with his history, he still felt he was as likely to only break things further as to actually make them better.
And, really, he just couldn't believe that Gabriel had issues with the immense power of his grace. The archangel had been created that way, he'd never known anything different, so far as Cas knew. Where Castiel himself? He'd been human more than once, completely lacking in grace or nearly so at various times, and now...he had been remade, gifted with this incredible power, but completely lacking in the knowledge the other archangels had been created with to understand its use. The best he had to guide him was the inconstant feelings he had, which he could only attribute to some deep instinct that had come along with the raw grace he'd been imbued with.
Cas studied Gabriel for a moment, trying to decide just how much he could tell him. Absently, he began to play with the napkin he'd shoved away before, nimble fingers folding and unfolding it at random, paying no mind to what he was doing, though his eyes would flick back and forth between his hand and Gabriel restlessly. “I...sometimes, I wish I didn't have it, now. But I wasn't given much choice.”
Finally, he decided he'd stalled long enough, and forced his attention back to his brother, thought he couldn't quite still his restless fingers on the napkin. “I think...it's all tied together. Perhaps. My, uh...promotion, the things I need to protect... It's all just a big mess.” He paused, trying to gather his thoughts, openly frustrated that he was nearly babbling like a human might when nervous. Then again, he was, in some ways, probably the most human of his siblings – something that had, interestingly, seemed to only increase with his elevation in power, his change, instead of diminishing. So, why shouldn't he act human? It wasn't exactly something he felt a reason to be ashamed of, even if it was sometimes frustrating.
“It was Death, Gabriel. The new Grand Reaper. He...paid me a visit. He wanted, he said, to...reward me, and to restore the balance. He...admires me.” He laughed, though there was a tinge of bitterness to it. “He took raw grace... He.. Gabriel, he found, well, I think it was Raphael's grace,” here, a wince, guilt flitting across his face before he forced it away, “raw grace, though, grace without the essence...and he.. It went into me, and there was light and everything just...changed.” Cas shook his head helplessly. He couldn't even begin to describe what had really happened to him that day. It was, even now, too immense for him to properly grasp.
He let silence stretch out for awhile, using the time to calm himself, and to once again pull his thoughts together, before he spoke again. “He also came back to warn me. She's not gone.” A long look at Gabriel, just knowing he would know immediately that he referred to the Darkness. “He told me I have to prepare. And... Gabriel, Lucifer is still out there. Death told me he has to stay alive, that...I'd need all the allies I could get.” The disbelief in the very idea that he could really ever trust their elder brother was clear, and yet...there was also the grudging acceptance that he might have to try, no matter how spectacularly it would fail.
“And...well, there's...” He looked down, unsure how to tell Gabriel the last part, or, worse, what his brother's reaction to it might be. Yet, it had seemed to go along with the rest of what Death told him, and...he felt perhaps it would be better to just know how Gabriel would take it now, so he could factor that into any plans he might need to form going forward. “There's a cambion child, or...will be soon enough. I'm protecting his mother now. Meg.” He sat up, then leaned forward, abandoning, finally, the napkin he'd been fiddling with, and turning intense blue eyes on his brother. “And I would give my life to be sure she was safe.” He had been very careful with his words, wanting to make clear that it was, in fact, Meg's life he considered worth his own, not her child, no matter how important he or she might come to be.
GABRIEL--
“The owner,” he looked for Nan, smiling when he found her, returning his eyes to Castiel, “she cares for you. I tried to get information about you and she wouldn’t give me anything. I guess you’ve eaten enough pie to earn her loyalty,” he teased gently.
“It conflicts with your…” Gabriel was amused because of the word that they usually used: `fall`. Castiel didn’t quite fall, he leapt once he had the chance. “Fall,” he rolled his eyes, trying to show his amusement toward the word he was choosing to use. “You are human, we are not. You’re an archangel now, so you’re trying to decide which one to be.” Gabriel rolled his shoulders in an easy shrug, “why not be both? Dad’s gone, no one ever told us we couldn’t be anything else – We just followed what we knew.” His lips twitched, “He had a reason for making sure we didn’t have free will too. You’ve seen what happened once we got it.”
He fell silent, reaching out for his coffee, “I talk too much sometimes.” He nodded to Castiel, willing for him to continue.
“Raph?” Gabriel studied Castiel for a while, “at least his grace is somewhere.” He gave a slight look, it was perhaps jealousy, perhaps something else – even he wasn’t sure himself. “At least there’s four of us again, four of us against…” Gabriel paused, crinkling his nose, “thankfully, Winchesters handled the Horsemen. So four of us against the…” Gabriel waved his coffee cup, “world? Heaven? Universe? Something.”
Darkness. Gabriel stilled, the coffee sloshing a bit in his cup. “Wonderful,” his voice etched with acid as he put the cup down, a slow shake of his head. He was still so marked with the Darkness, Angels didn’t dream… but he came damn close to it every time he closed his eyes, thinking about what happened that day. His hands wrapped around the mug, he looked up at Castiel, something in his eyes speaking for what he wouldn’t utter. A soft laugh slipped from his lips without his permission, “Lucifer and I saw each other the other day, no humans were harmed. He misses you, he worries.” Gabriel paused, “but I don’t blame the hesitation.” He decided to push past that issue, it would never be pressed. Gabriel understood.
“A what?” He leaned back in his seat, hissing under his breath as he ran fingers through his hair, “a cambion? You saw what happened the last time.” Then he leaned forward, “and you’re protecting a demon?”
CASTIEL--
Castiel's gaze followed Gabriel's, nodding to Nan when she took note of both angels looking her way, a simple gesture meant to reassure her, for he could see the question and concern in her eyes before she turned away to continue attending to customers. Turning his attention back to his brother, he offered a faint smile. “She knows what I am, as well as who. She's a good person.”
He, surprisingly, let the talk of him being more human than the rest of the archangels pass unremarked, though he tucked it away to think on later. It made a certain amount of sense, this constant feeling of being torn in two directions at once. Still, he found he had to comment on at least part of Gabriel's little diatribe. “I'm not so sure Father's as gone as we thought. Death...well, he implied Father might still have a hand in things.”
He avoided his brother's eyes as he said it, unsure himself how he actually felt about the idea that their Father was still out there somewhere, but had left things to go so horribly wrong. And, given the circumstances, he was reluctant to say that the whole reason Death had implied God was still taking some sort of an interest in things was because He somehow approved of everything Castiel was currently doing.
Then, it was like his mind just...sort of stuttered to a halt. Lucifer. Of course, he knew Lucifer was still an active player on the field, somehow, but...to know that Gabriel had spoken to him, and, even stranger, seemed...well, perfectly alright, it just..it was hard to grasp. He found himself staring across the table at his brother, then slowly letting himself lean back again in his seat. Finally, Cas gave a very human snort of derision, folding his arms across his chest. “I can imagine just how he misses me.” Despite his outward attitude, inside, he was fighting off a wave of trembling. While he couldn't even now, quite regret ever having let Lucifer ride him, the time was something that, had he been fully human, would have haunted his nightmares. Even without dreams, it was a time that still deeply affected him.
“I saw what happened last time. I was there, Gabriel.” He met his brother's look steadily, no signs of flinching or indecision or regret, for he felt none. “The boy, he... Well, I tasted his power in a very personal way. He... He turned me into a toy.” Despite the horror of the time, he found himself laughing about it now, oddly relaxed despite his brother's shock and ire. “It was cleverly done, actually. He could have wiped me from existence for trying to end him, but he...turned me into a toy. I think...you would have appreciated it.”
He grew serious again, quickly. “I am protecting a demon. Maybe I'm a little too human, after all. Gabriel, I...love her.” He blinked then, only just realizing he was saying something to his brother that he hadn't actually even said to Meg herself yet. Then again, he wasn't sure what her reaction would even be if he did say those words to her. He was afraid it was just as likely to drive her away from him as anything else. “She was there for me, in my madness, when...even the Winchesters abandoned me. I can do no less for her now. If it makes it easier for you, you can just consider it repayment of a debt.”
GABRIEL--
“Yeah,” Gabriel nodded as he rubbed at his chin, “Luc and I were saying the same, it’s all one big plan designed by Him. It’s ingenious and stupid all at the same time,” he paused with a soft chuckle, “well, I’m going to be in trouble for saying that.”
He just gave a slow nod when they discussed Lucifer, he really did not want to press the issue. “Let’s just not, okay?” His voice was soft, he looked away to his hands as he felt guilt hit him like a ton of bricks. He should have waited on that one.
“But a cambion,” another hiss falling from his lips, “that’s up there with a Nephilim, and you know it.” He fell quiet as he battled with the urge to get up and walk away from Castiel, just wipe his hands clean of this clusterfuck that he could see coming from a mile away. He shifted in his seat, ready to move when he heard Castiel speak again, stopping himself with a slow look to Castiel, his eyes hooded. “You love her?
“A demon? Demons and Angels are not meant to consort.” His voice was soft and low, “like humans and Angels are not meant to consort.”
He shook his head, “a repayment of debt does not always end in…” He stopped himself, a little look of darkness slipping over his face before he could shake his head. “Love,” the word spoken softly. “Are you sure you know what you are doing?” His eyes flicked up to Castiel.
“Truly know what you’re doing? Once that baby is born, everyone is going to come down on your heads harder than they want to now.”
CASTIEL--
He let the subject of both their Father and Lucifer drop, not really wanting to get into it any more than Gabriel did. Both were...extremely painful subjects, and...well, he really did like Gabriel, always had, even with everything, and...he still held a faint hope that he could talk his brother around to his side. Or, at the very least, to not actively opposing him. Not only because of what Death had said to him about allies, but...simply because, deep down, he felt that Gabriel was one of very few, if not the only, of his siblings he could ever have a chance at trusting.
Castiel winced, actually winced, at the mention of nephilim. He knew all too well how his brother felt about them, and...even had hints of why, though he'd never inquired about it from him personally, and had only heard the angel equivalent of water cooler gossip about it. Possibly best, he thought with a brief flash of guilt, that he not exactly take Gabriel by the academy any time soon.
He was sure Gabriel was about to leave, when he admitted the real reason he felt the need to protect a demon. He just...he didn't want Gabriel to go, and he felt that, if anything left would appeal to him, it might be that. “I do. And I know.” He forced himself to look his brother in the eye, meeting his hooded, wary gaze, trying his best to get his sincerity across. Because he had no doubts at all about his feelings for her. He'd nursed them for a long time, buried, but...still very much there. Seeing her again had only allowed him to recognize what had been there for too long. “I know we're not. But...we weren't meant to have free will, either. I wasn't meant to be an archangel. A lot of things have been happening that were never meant to happen. Or, so we were lead to believe.”
He sighed, the sound decidedly unsteady, laden with emotion for something that should have been no more than a simple breath of air escaping his vessel's lungs. “Honestly? I don't have the faintest idea of what I'm doing. I'm not sure I have for years, but...most especially not since...well, last year.” He paused, reigning in the memories that threatened to overwhelm him, as they still did occasionally. “I've been lost, broken, just... I don't know.”
Something in his eyes shifted, becoming certain and sure, and he met his brother's eyes once more. “But I know that I love her, Gabriel. I'm more certain of that than anything. I'd fall for her, all over again, if that...ship hadn't already sailed.” His lips quirked, and he shrugged.
“Besides, Death said the child was needed, and we had to protect it. Maybe that's even a part of why I have to gather allies.” He hesitated, eyes growing distant briefly as he bit at his lip. Eventually, he pulled himself from his thoughts, focusing once more, a scowl wrinkling his brow. “Why do things always seem to align to try to make me out to be some sort of leader, despite how often it goes so horribly wrong?”
GABRIEL--
Gabriel gave a slow nod to what Castiel said, “we’re all in the dark, fumbling around for answers,” he flashed a smile. “He shone so brightly we didn’t need to care at one point, and some of us… didn’t care for that,” he gave his brother a pointed look. Folding his hands on the table with a slow sigh, “you just manage to get yourself in more scrapes than anyone I have ever known, Castiel.” Gabe’s hands unfolded, he ran his fingers through his hair, a human gesture he had picked up and rather liked.
“Look,” he splayed his hands out in the space between them, “let me hang around. I worry about you. You’re running out of lives here,” he gestured with his hands. “You don’t trust me, I don’t trust you, that’s how being Angels work – but you’re my little brother.” He chuckled softly, “that has to count for something, right?”
Then his hands fell, “love is…” Gabe wasn’t even sure how to explain love, it was a fucking mess – that’s what it was. “Love,” he concluded, rolling his shoulders. “If you love her, we take care of her… and the child.”
He looked away from Castiel to the windows, “you’re the most human of us, that’s why it makes sense.”
CASTIEL--
He held the pointed look, though he clearly didn't like what was being said. But Cas couldn't really argue the point, even if he didn't like it. And he couldn't argue the next point, either, even though he had to agree with that one. “No matter how hard I try to avoid the scrapes,” he muttered, though he didn't expect Gabriel to pay the muttering much mind. He was very aware he sounded like a sulking child, and the thought made his lips twitch briefly, despite himself.
He sighed, considering. “I..want to trust you. You're right. We're family. In some ways, more than...a lot of the rest of the Host. And the rest of them aside, I...miss you, Gabriel.” The admission gave him pause, but there was truth in it. He'd been cut off for so long, his sojourn as Lucifer's vessel aside, and...he missed his angelic family, or, some of them at least, despite the human family he'd gained on Earth.
Castiel studied Gabriel for a long moment, then, came to a decision that he could only hope he wouldn't come to regret. He...certainly didn't have a history of good life choices or anything. Still... “Swear to me, swear on Father's grace that you won't try to harm her, Gabriel. Or her baby. And...I'm willing to...well, to open my home to you.” Despite himself, there was a hint of very human pride in that last bit, that he had a home, in such a very human fashion. “I'll let you past the wards, and you...can come whenever you like.”
He let the comment about being so human go unremarked, though...he grew thoughtful as he watched his brother, wondering to himself what he would never say aloud. Could it be that Father had, in some mysterious way, intended everything he'd gone through just to get him to this point, to being the most human of angels?
GABRIEL--
Gabriel looked away from the window with an expression of surprise as he studied Castiel. He was actually willing to trust Gabriel, the one known for pulling all sorts of tricks? His eyebrows furrowed while he tilted his head, “are you sure?” He finally spoke the question he had been meaning to ask, “you’d trust me with that?” Gabe quickly held up a hand, “I mean, it’s a honor and all that.”
He fell silent, “I miss all of you. I miss all – well, most of that. How we were all brothers in arms, doing what we were supposed to do. Not fighting because of petty bullshit.” He sighed, “well, and not killing each other,” Gabriel rubbed idly at a spot on his chest, shaking his head. “But we’re family, and we put the fun in dysfunctional.”
He looked down at his hand on his chest, chuckling at Castiel, “I can’t kill anymore, not after Amara.” His shoulders shook for a moment, he looked up at Castiel and looked so lost, so alone.
CASTIEL--
“Yeah, well...” He let it trail off, lips quirking, then decided to continue, “these days I'm in a better position to hold my own against you...big brother.” His own words amused him, most especially given the fairly diminutive size of his older brother's vessel in comparison to his own.
But he grew serious again, almost immediately. He let the memories come as Gabriel spoke. There had been so much bad, and he'd focused on that for so long. But...now he was reminded of the good, just as he had been when he was with Anna. Always, that mix of bad, and of good. Maybe Gabriel was right, as Castiel did actually understand the human phrase he used to flippantly, even as he heard the pain underlying it in his brother's voice.
But, as he was about to speak, to find words to return that sentiment, he stopped, staring at Gabriel as he continued. Each of them that had been present, each angel, had been shown something by Amara in her attempt to weaken them, to divide them. Castiel knew this, as even he hadn't been immune to it, even trapped, grace suppressed and tapped by Lucifer. He'd had his own horrors to endure during that, and had gleaned hints of the horrors shown to Lucifer, as well.
He'd known Gabriel, too, had been put through that. But his brother had helped to free him from Lucifer, and then...had simply vanished before Cas ever had a chance to thank him, let alone really speak with him. Gabriel had run, hiding himself away again. Or, so he'd presumed. Now, he wondered, his head canting to the side as he studied his older brother with open concern.
And the look that Gabriel returned broke every little human bit of his heart. Uncaring of what anyone in the little establishment might think – or of all the rules Dean had painstakingly tried to teach him about the proper things to do between 'dudes' in public, things he was learning were sometimes more idiosyncrasies of the hunter than true societal norms – he stood and moved to his brother's side, then hesitated. But it was the smallest of hesitations, and then he leaned down and wrapped his brother in a hug even as he let his grace brush up against Gabriel's, offering him comfort in both human and angelic ways.
GABRIEL--
Gabriel stiffened for a moment when he felt his brother’s arms around him; he hadn’t touched Castiel, or vice versa, in a long time. His eyes closed and his body relaxed a bit, he leaned in quickly to take solace in the touch. “Thank you,” that was all he could say as his body buzzed with the renewed grace that was melding briefly with him.
He just shook his head, there were no words to explain the taint that he felt, or the nightmares he was experiencing every time he closed his eyes. The looks, the sounds, even Amara’s fucking voice still chirping at him.
“I just can’t anymore,” Gabriel lifted his head, studying Castiel. “I’ll protect her, I’ll protect you, the baby… But I can’t kill for you.” His bottom lip quivered for a moment, “what use am I if I can’t do that?”
CASTIEL--
He merely held his brother, sensing the need for the contact, and more than happy to give it. For now, at least, all thoughts of distrust were just...gone. Besides, he'd been able to hear the sincerity in Gabriel's words. He had no doubts, now, about Gabriel's potential for being a serious threat to Meg; he wouldn't be one at all.
Only when Gabriel finally shifted, looking up to Castiel, did he loosen that hold on his brother. Looking down, he sighed, but didn't answer immediately. Instead, he pulled over the nearest chair so that he could sit beside his brother, near enough to still easily reach out to, should Gabriel have need of that contact for more comfort. And, to be honest Cas wanted that nearness, as well. Despite the problems of their recent past, they shared a long, long history. They could, perhaps, understand each other in ways no one else would be able to, and there was something about that thought that Castiel found comforting. He might be the most human of the angels, but he was still an angel, and there were some thing only another angel could ever hope to understand.
Settled now in the chair next to his brother, he leaned forward, studying his brother even as Gabriel had studied him. “I won't ask you to kill. I...understand.” And, he did. Thanks to the humans in his life, he did understand, in some part, what Gabriel was going through. Here was someone else from his past who was broken, damaged. Someone else who needed help to find his way out of the darkness of his own mind, much as Castiel has struggled to do.
Cas, being who he was, couldn't help but respond to that need.
“Your worth isn't in what use you can be put to, Gabriel,” he said, after a moment to gather his thoughts. It was a lesson Castiel, himself, was still, sometimes, struggling to remember. He sought to catch his brother's gaze, to hold his eyes, to try to make him see the truth of his words. “You know things I don't. You have so much knowledge. Use that to help me, to help us.”
He paused, considering what he'd said, and what he wanted to say, then let his lips stretch into a gentle smile. “Just... I could use someone, sometimes, who just...knows. As, I suspect, you could.” Cas reached out, laying his hand on his brother's shoulder. “Let me help you, and...be there, when I need help.”
His lips twisted a bit, the smile turning wry. “And...if you're really on speaking terms with, ah, Lucifer,” he said, keeping his voice steady on their elder brother's name, despite the thrill of dread that still filled him on saying it, “you could always resume your old role as messenger.”
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Post by Cassiel on Mar 2, 2016 2:10:15 GMT
GABRIEL--
“It still all messes with me,” he chuckled ever so slightly as he glanced over to his brother from his seat, folding his hands into his lap. Gabriel looked down at his hands for a moment while considering his words, “I shouldn’t have ran, but I needed to do something for me. Not the goofing off and keeping the peace, but… me.” He looked up at Castiel, knowing that he would understand. “Now I understand why some angels… fall.” He hated that word, it wasn’t quite falling, but it was more of making a decision. Becoming more self-aware.
But they all fell from their Father’s grace when they became self-aware.
Another reason to be utterly jealous of the humans, they were given that chance to be self-aware and never had to worry about losing His grace.
Gabriel’s lips twisted a bit as he studied Castiel, “thank you for not making me kill.” He chuckled softly as he unfolded his hands, he wasn’t sure what to do with himself right now. All the emotions were something he was still learning to be used to, after stuffing them down for years. “Well,” he lifted his eyebrows, “at least you have a built in babysitter now,” he chuckled as he mentally clamped shut the emotions. He’d deal, somehow, on his own time.
He patted Castiel’s hand on his shoulder, “I do know more than you, little brother.” He flashed an look of amusement, slowly nodding. “This house, do you live with…” He groped for her name, giving an apologetic look as he did.
Silence for a moment as he considered what Castiel said about dealing with Lucifer, then he laughed out loud, “the messenger. The more the things change, the more they stay the same. Just call me the telephone.”
CASTIEL--
Oh, yes. He understood. Gabriel had run. Castiel, well, he'd taken various paths to try to find his way, and, eventually, it came to finding a balance between helping, and...finding a place of peace for himself. Or, at least, that that been the thought, before he'd been once again drawn into world-altering events through a series of choices – some of his own making, and some made for him. But, he could understand Gabriel actions all-too-well. Now, at least.
Despite himself, his lips twitched. Just the way Gabriel said it – fall – was enough to amuse him. Once, of course, it hurt. Even recently, it had still hurt at times, but that had been primarily just the results of it, being cut off from Heaven, crippled in most angels' view. Now...he found it merely amusing. He'd never really regretted his fall from Father's grace, and even less so now. But then, his view on a lot of things was rapidly changing.
“You're welcome,” he replied, simply. He was well aware of Gabriel's struggle with his feelings, with the raw emotions. It was a familiar struggle, for him. But, he said nothing about it, respecting his brother's struggle, and his strength, even if he felt Gabriel himself couldn't see that strength for what it was. Not...yet. Castiel hoped to see that change, to see him learn to be...okay, the way Cas himself was learning.
He huffed out a laugh, trying, just briefly, to imagine Meg letting Gabriel anywhere near the baby, let alone...babysitting. But that, he felt, might be some time in coming. First, would be to even convince her that Gabriel could be trusted. Yeah...maybe he hadn't quite thought everything through when he'd impulsively offered Gabriel the open invitation to his home.
“Meg,” he supplied, nodding slowly. “She needed somewhere safe, somewhere I could ward and protect. I couldn't exactly take her to...ah, the Winchesters.” He hesitated, almost frustrated by the layers upon layers of secrets he guarded – the academy, the bunker, Meg, Death and his warnings, the cambion child, and now in some ways, Gabriel was added to that growing list. He couldn't regret them though, not any one of them. “So, Cla... a friend, she helped me understand how to acquire a house. And we both stay there now. So...yes, I guess we do live...together.”
GABRIEL--
“So your Winchesters don’t know? Dean doesn’t know about this? About her being around, the baby, the house?” Gabriel gave Castiel a look of surprise, there had been a time where the trio were inseparable. Everything one knew, the others knew as well. “Why aren’t you telling them?” He lifted his eyebrows as he leaned back a bit in his seat, a slow look of suspicion slipping into his eyes. This was not the Castiel he knew from before.
Then again, he couldn’t exactly say the same thing about himself, he wasn’t the same.
Gabriel waved his hand, “so you’re in love with a demon, we have a baby coming, there’s some crazy ass shit coming on… and the Winchesters don’t know.”
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Post by Cassiel on Mar 6, 2016 6:44:51 GMT
GABRIEL--
Gabriel watched Castiel with a slight look of amusement as he slipped into his nervous tics, his little brother couldn’t just will himself to calm like the others. “That’s called having free will,” Gabriel spoke softly as he reached out to tug the napkin out of Castiel’s fingers. “You give yourself away too easily, brother.” The voice was soft and loving, he put the napkin down before tilting his head at Castiel. “I think they would understand, somehow. They have loved too, you know? Dean with…” He flapped his hand as he tried to remember the girl’s name. “Sam with Jess,” then he grimaced, “good god, look at me, I’m starting to remember things about your humans.”
Gabriel’s amusement faded as he saw the look in Castiel’s eyes, “you’re their.. Well, you hate the word, but you’re their pet angel. They would die before they hurt you.” He twisted his lips, giving a slow nod while he considered his words. “Be you, live your life. The Winchesters understand, or… well… they won’t right now, but then they will.
“That’s what family does. They get mad for a while, then they understand.” Gabriel rolled his shoulders, “can we stop talking about human things and get pie?” He looked over at Nan, then at Castiel, “don’t you have an order you have to take home?”
CASTIEL--
Castiel narrowed his eyes at Gabriel as the napkin was snatched away, then sighed and let the slowly simmering anger go. The last thing he needed to do was lose control of himself to that degree in here. He couldn't stand to see that many humans hurt, or killed. And he truly feared exactly that happening. “I'm trying, Gabriel. I really am. It's just...so much. I wasn't made for this.”
That was the crux of it. No matter how human he seemed, acted, even felt sometimes, he was still an angel. He wasn't born, he didn't grow up in the human fashion; he was created knowing all he should have known to carry out his tasks. Castiel wasn't made to be an archangel.
“They're all human. I...sometimes, I still wonder if they truly understand what I...what we are. They can never see us, not what we really are.” He gave a very human shrug. “And so, I'm their pet angel. They would die before they hurt me, but...in the end, I'm still another angel, another monster to be put down if they feel I'm a danger.” He hesitated, his eyes drifting back to watch the traffic out the window. “If they felt I was a danger right now, they might not be wrong. I...don't know anymore.”
Despite himself, he laughed, though it was strained. He turned his attention back to Gabriel, nodding. “Yes. I...yes. See? There are downsides to being too human.” His lips twitched into a fond smile. “You have your pie. I've got other things to take care of. Including taking Meg home food. I've been gone far longer than I planned.”
Cas stood, looking down at Gabriel for a long moment, clearly trying to decide something. “Give me awhile to talk to her. I'll attune the wards so you can pass once I have. I know you can find me then, if you want.” There was an uncomfortable pause before he added, almost as an afterthought even though he'd clearly given it quite a bit of thought indeed during their conversation. “You can tell Lucifer you spoke to me, if you must. But, if you lead him to my home, things will be very different between us, Gabriel.”
He waited only long enough to be sure Gabriel understood how serious he was, and then he offered an apologetic smile. “It..had to be said. I hope you understand, brother.” He reached out and rested his hand on Gabriel's shoulder, giving it a brief squeeze. Then he turned and made his way to Nan, where he spoke to her for a few moments.
He reassured her that everything was alright, and Gabriel wasn't a danger to her, but not telling her that the man looking for him was really an archangel. He wasn't going to out Gabriel like that, leaving it to him to decide if he wanted to reveal himself to her or not. Grabbing up the bag she offered him, he leaned close, and asked her to give Gabriel whatever he wanted, offering to pay for it himself. It was an apology of sorts, for his harsh words.
Then, finding himself smiling, Cas left, his thoughts focused entirely on getting back to Meg.
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