Post by mae on Jan 26, 2016 4:00:04 GMT
Mackenzie:
Another rescue, another day. It was the only thing that she could slightly control in her life, was being able to keep little ones out of the cold. All different animals, she would try and keep them safe, and to the little no kill shelter whenever she could.
It was little things like that, that her dad loved about her. Had always loved about her. He… rather hoped… that she would keep that always. He knew… that his time was short. He had been sick… for a couple of years now. It was always the hardest, when the children were of age to know what was happening. And Mac had been sharp on everything, even with her parents trying to keep her at arms length. Trying… to keep her from everything that was wrong. Trying to make things easier.
But Mackenzie knew. She was smarter than that. That… and sneaker. Twenty one years old… taking on the world… among other things. The last time that he had gone into the hospital, and stopped treatments. She knew it was bad. It was late at night, she had taken advantage of a nurses distraction and peeked to his file. He was terminal. She had been… devastated. But she kept up the ruse. Better than one might have thought.
Thanksgiving past. Christmas past. New Years. And for all intents and purposes, life had resumed some sort of normalcy. For a time. It was a few days after the New Years, that there had been a dive, they had brought him home in November, and he had been there ever since. He had his good days.
And his bad.
And now there was more bad than good.
She had found herself in the church more than once. Middle of the night, praying… but for what? A miracle? Miracles… were not what this town was made of. That was painfully obvious. But… perhaps peace. Something… a bit more tangible. For his family. For him. It was a night in the church, that was the first instance that something was… amiss. She had lit a candle, and swore that she heard someone whisper her name. She had whirled about, there was no one there. She shook her head some. “I’m losing it.”
The second instance, was the night of her dad’s death. She was woken by a whisper… it seemed like it was by her ear… and she gasped looking around her room. –Not long now…- She heard it whispered. And she looked around again. “What… the heck…” She was shaking her head, and got up, tilting her head as she got up. It… was an odd sort of feeling, as she headed into the front room. It had been the only place that a hospital bed would fit in their farmhouse. It wasn’t like he could get upstairs. What surprised her was that he was awake. When she walked in the room. That had utterly thrown her. Considering he had been nearly comatose for the past couple of days.
She walked up to the bed, for once no boards creaking as she walked. “Daddy?” She was quiet as he smiled at her, such… a warm smile.
“Mackenzie… sweetheart… its late… you should be sleeping… but… I am glad that you are here…” His words were slow, a little more labored not that she was utterly surprised by this. The fact that he was able to say so many before catching his breath, was a surprise. She moved to his bedside and took his hand. Her other hand resting atop his as she smiled quietly to him.
“I just couldn’t sleep… glad…that I woke up though… get some time with you…” She offered him a warm smile back. “What are you doing awake, Daddy… do you need anything?” She asked softly she didn’t want to wake the rest of the house.
Her dad merely smiled. “Of course, sweetheart… you… have always taken care of us… of me.” He squeezed her hand, tight as he could. “I’m… sorry you couldn’t sleep. But… things will be better soon.” It was so quietly said. “In the table. Is a small box. Its yours.” He glanced and motioned with his other hand. “Open it… when its time.” He went quiet again, closing his eyes, resting a moment, but his grip on her hand didn’t loosen. Not once was it wavering.
“Daddy… you don’t have to apologize… everything is fine… I can stay with you…and I promise… I’ll get it before I go back up.” She had mentally been telling herself over and over that things were fine. That she was fine and could hold it together. That’s what she did. Its how she was able to be here now, and not in a flood of tears.
He smiled more tiredly this time. “Mackenzie… you and I… both know… that my time here is short. So… much shorter than I had ever wanted. I know… that your mother will be watched after. Her brothers and sisters… will make sure of that. But you… I’ll be able to watch you. No matter what. No matter where I am.”
Mac gripped his hand more tightly. “Daddy… shh…. I know. I do… you…”
He cut her off. “I… am so proud of you. Will always be.” His breathing, was beginning to get more labored, and his grip was beginning to slack.
“Daddy… “ He was smiling… it… was almost serene now. “Nono… Daddy… I love you…”
“I… love you too… Mackenzie…” She glanced to the monitors, was seeing things decrease, and she called for her mom, for the others. She grabbed her phone, calling 911, explaining to the operator the situation. She, had gathered herself together, leaning down and kissing his cheek, her hand not leaving his until her mother took her place. She stayed on the phone, giving the operator all the information they could possibly ever need about his case. And then… they waited… she was still watching the monitors, it was quiet in the room. There was tears from her mother, but she was giving her space with her father.
She had had her time. And she knew… absolutely knew, that this was it.
-It will be ok…- It sounded like a whisper from behind her. And she tensed glancing behind her. She was going off the rails. She was. She was breaking and she knew it. She shook her head, and as the ambulance drove up, she would open the door for the paramedics, her mother, staying there beside him, as Mac was waiting for them to enter.
Sachael:
The call had rang out in the middle of the night, stirring the on duty crew from their slumber. Sachael… well, he had adopted the life and name of his vessel, having found it the easiest thing to do. But exactly how long he had been around and how long he had been going through this same routine was one of those stories for another time. If it was ever unfolded at all. If he had anything to say about it, though, it was something that would remain hidden. It was a dangerous world out there, after all, and he didn’t need to draw any unnecessary attention to himself.
Boots were slid on easily, and his sweatshirt was pulled over his head as he headed down the stairs. His coat had already been left hanging on the side mirror of the ambulance, waiting in case he had needed it that night. Sachael slid into the passenger seat, his partner having barely managed to beat him to the drivers side. ‘Better luck next time, Raleigh.’ He had simply shook his head at that, and grinned.
It was probably for the better. Besides. It was his turn in the back, anyway. “Dispatch, this is medic 53. We’re on our way.” While informing dispatch that they were on their way, he had repeated back the address, age, and reason of the call as they had been presented in case either of them had misheard anything in their rush to wake up and get out on the road. After the confirmation, he radioed into the hospital to let them know that they were out, and give them a head’s up as to what to expect that would be possibly brought to them, should transport be needed.
Once on the scene, he was the first out the passenger side and opening the side door, reaching in to grab the medic bag, oxygen, and heart monitor. It was all part of the routine. Part of the job. He could help people like this. Save them. Or be there for them to help them through their suffering.
His partner was left to handle grabbing the cot, but Sachael knew he could handle it. After all, this was their usual routine. They had worked together long enough to know that they didn’t have to worry about one another. That everything would get handled.
Sachael was the first to meet Mackenzie at the door. “Hey there.” He spoke politely, his tone respectful. “I’m Raleigh. Can you lead me to where the patient is and give me an update on how he’s doing?” He always was spot on with his professionalism. He didn’t let on to it at all, but he could tell that this call….
….well, he knew that it wasn’t going to end with any happy endings. It was an unfortunate fact of life, though. And he knew that quite well. But he would do all that they could, and make sure to respect any family and patient wishes. Should transport be desired, he knew that they would provide that. They always did. But he also didn’t offer false hope, either. He was upfront about everything, upfront about chances, staying within the scope of his practice.
Mackenzie:
When they pulled up, she was glancing back to the monitors, she knew… she just knew. She was so very quiet, as she was telling herself to breathe. That was all that she could do right now. Breathe. Holding it together, was just one of those things. She told herself that she could do this.
She tilted her head as Sachael came to the door, and she blinked, it was.. just that feeling again. She actually looked behind her a moment. “I’m.. Mackenzie. Its my Dad… he’s been sick. His… vitals have been dropping…” She said quietly. “He hasn’t woken back up… he’s been unresponsive.” She glanced down. “I’m not sure… what my mom will wish… at this point. She hasn’t been talking.” She was guiding him towards where her dad was. “Raleigh… I know.” She said softly, before reaching them. “I do.” She nodded a little bit, staying out of his partners way as well as his. He didn’t have to pretend with her. She knew… that it was his job… to… do whatever was necessary, or allowed. But… she knew.
Fairytales and happy endings. She knew that wasn’t in her future. That… it wasn’t, even as much as her Father had hoped it for her. Her mother, she wouldn’t let go of his hand, and Mackenzie came up behind her. “Momma…” Her mother looked to her a moment, as the machines started to beep. His vitals dropping lower… and lower. Until it was that horrible noise as the machines flatlined. Her mother’s attention snapped back to her dad.
Mackenzie closed her eyes, telling herself to hold it together. “Momma…” She was so quiet as her Aunt’s and Uncles started to come in, separating her and her Mom. She backed up… out of the way. She stepped backwards, towards where he had motioned earlier. Had… that conversation happened? She opened the drawer and pulled out a small box. She slipped it into her pocket, as her Aunt requested that the machines sound be turned off. Her mother… had chosen to let him go.
Mackenzie headed to the porch swing, as they would start to enquire to Raleigh and his partner what the next steps would be. It was cold, but Mac couldn’t feel it. It… was shock… a bit. Starting to settle in. Her long hair slipping into her eyes. She didn’t let herself cry.
It was quiet as she opened the box, and shook her head a little bit. It… was a pretty cross necklace. It was small, dainty, her thumb brushed it quietly a moment. She could hear her uncle calling someone, just inside. Saying they would be taking her Momma with them for the next few days. Which… was for the best. She could take care of things here for her. Start… removing the equipment and such.
The snow was starting to lightly fall. And there was a sigh. Of course it was.
She blinked as she heard that whisper again.
-It will be ok.-
She looked over her shoulder, from the direction it had come… then it was the other shoulder.
-Trust him.-
She shook her head. She was absolutely losing her mind. Of course she was. Who was he? That this… mysterious voice mentioned? What… was… this anyway? She felt her stomach turn over, as she could hear movement inside again, they were going to pack a bag for her mom, as they had finally gotten her to head upstairs to change, her Aunt seeing her at the door, headed upstairs to give Mac a moment.
She padded over, a little more than frozen from her short time outside.
She walked over quietly, brushing his hand. “It… will be ok… they’ll watch after her…” She whispered to her dad. “They will…” She said it quietly. “I’ll… be fine… always am…” She leaned down and kissed his cheek so gently. It was still warm.
Sachael:
“I’ll see if I can convince your mother to talk to me.” He spoke with a warm enough smile, knowing better than to make any promises. His words were as comforting as he could offer. When she said that she knew, he didn’t react. There was a small glance in her direction, however, as he gave the smallest of nods. “I know.” It was a simple answer. Diplomatic. And showed absolutely nothing. It could have been as simple as him acknowledging that she knew of her father’s condition and how this was likely to end, or something more. And he wasn’t offering any further clarification to his words. But… he didn’t doubt that she knew. There was no way she couldn’t tell. No way that she didn’t know. But he never once thought that she was entirely naïve or something. But that was neither here, nor there. Instead, he was still right on with asking the necessary questions. “Is there any living will or advance directives that we may need to be aware of?”
But he could multitask easily enough. He could see the monitors around her father and he knew enough of what they were indicating. Protocol still dictated him hooking the man up to their own heart monitor and he ran a twelve lead, taking their own readings as well. He was good at this. He really was. It had gotten so much easier. At both of his roles in life and learning to understand. It was hard work, though. It always was. He always remained aware of his surroundings. Of those who he interacted with and who was around and where. Sachael was careful. Even if he wanted to do something else… to help further… he knew he couldn’t. There was too many people around. Too many eyes watching.
They provided as much comfort as they could, his partner leaving for a few minutes to go back to the rig to call the hospital on the private phone line and give them an update as to what was going on and then to call dispatch and give them an update as well. While he was there, he let them know that it was Raleigh’s call to respect the family wishes and to have the coroner come out. They would remain on scene until the coroner came.
While his partner was doing that, Raleigh was talking to her mother and whoever else was around, letting them know of the next steps. That their dispatch would take care of making the arrangements for the coroner to come out tonight and the other necessary steps that would happen. He also reassured them that they would remain there until then.
When their gear was picked up and stowed away, and after all questions had been answered, they gave the family time to themselves. If it meant waiting outside, that was fine. They were both wearing only their department sweatshirts, but their coats were inside the rig and easy to grab if they needed. In the meantime, they knew that the family needed their own time now. Their presence didn’t necessarily make things easier as they were outsiders. Just there to help make the transition now and answer any lingering questions that they could answer.
In the meantime, it wasn’t so bad standing there, waiting on the porch.
Mackenzie:
When Raleigh said that, she had looked to him quietly, “Thank you… I… appreciate it.” She said softly. She had glanced back to him when he said that he knew, and … that helped. In some way to know that he wouldn’t just… toy with her. Make her hope… when she knew there was none. “That… was between my mother and father… they… didn’t share it with me..” She said it softly, she answered them as best she could, with what she for sure knew.
Her mother, and the others, had come back down, after she had said her words to her father, and she felt her momma hug her tightly. The others, felt it best that she not be here for the coroner. And to be honest, she didn’t blame them. “I’ll… stay. I can handle this. I’ll be by tomorrow…” She said quietly. “I… love you Momma..” She said as her momma said her goodbyes, again, and was ushered away. It left just Mackenzie alone in the house. She stayed there by her dad again for a few minutes, she knew it would take the coroner a bit, in order to get here considering the snow and the late hour. She headed back to the porch… “Raleigh? You… don’t have to stand in the cold…” She said quietly. “Its warm inside… unless… you and your partner need to go… there might be others that you are needing to help…” It was said with such understanding. Calling them… had been a reflex. You don’t just let someone go… you fight… you try. She wrapped her arms around herself quietly, a kitten coming to the porch, so tiny. Mackenzie scooted out the door, scooping it up quietly. “Come on little one… lets… get you warm…” She said softly, she slipped out of her little sweater, wrapping it around the kitten without a second thought. She headed back to the main living room, and set the kitten down on the couch, slipping a pillow beneath it so it could cuddle and get warm.
She looked to her dad again, then down, rubbing the back of her neck. She… didn’t know how to do this. She knew… that she had said that this was fine… that she was fine. But… what even constituted fine anymore?
-You will be in time.-
Sachael:
Throughout everything, he managed to keep a calm, almost peaceful look on his face, maintaining an inner sense of calm that sometimes seemed to radiate outwards. He watched as members began to leave, offering his condolences as they passed, answering any last questions that they still may have had. His partner was there, doing the same.
When all was said and done, he turned his attention to Mackenzie, and offered a warm enough smile. “Thank you. We didn’t want to be too imposing.” It was an offer that they had both accepted, his partner heading back into the warmth of the house first. Raleigh lingered outside with her. “We’re here until the coroner arrives, in case they need any help.” It was the polite way of putting it. Usually, the coroner came with an assistant, but sometimes they came alone and let the paramedics help them load things up. Many hands made for light work.
As she headed back inside with the kitten, he followed as well. “Are you going to be okay?” There was care in that question; concern. It was more of a personal question than a professional one this time around. But he could afford to do that now. And he knew how hard it must have been. Losing someone so close was never easy. And he could sense her pain.
He knew, even if she was trying her best to hide it. Trying her best to keep herself together and maintain a calm exterior. Inside, he knew that she was anything but fine. It was easy to lie to oneself and to others, but sometimes it was extremely hard to lie to him.
Mackenzie:
She… had noticed that look… that peace… and… rather wondered how he managed to do that. Someone… in his line of work… she… just couldn’t envy. The things he saw and dealt with. Life… death… everything in between. She had heard both him and his partner offering their condolences. They… hadn’t had to do that… but they had.
It was Raleigh that had stayed with her outside, as she tilted her head some. “You… wouldn’t be imposing. Not… at all.” She said softly. “Neither you nor your partner.” She spoke quietly. “I… can help as well… if it is necessary…” She was just that kind. She’d be up… packing up things tonight. It… would be hard. But she knew it was necessary.
“I…” She had been so careful with the kitten, so gentle. “I don’t know…” She looked to him quietly for the longest of moments. She knew people.. from when she had been in school.. but… her life had been here. Revolved around her father. Taking care of him and her mom. Making sure that they needed nothing.
She was trying… so very hard… to keep it together. “I… came downstairs… I… woke up…” of course she wasn’t mentioning the voice that she kept hearing. God knows. He would be taking her in the ambulance and having her checked out for being crazy. “He was awake… and… talking to me…” She bit her lip. “He… was telling me goodbye…in his own way… I…” She didn’t know when in talking to Raleigh that the first tears started to fall. Or… why she was even telling him all of this. “I… I’m sorry…” She was trying to stop… to pull herself together. This… wasn’t… he didn’t have to deal with this… with her.
But… it was hard… the first time especially… to stop the tears after they started.
Sachael:
“Thank you for the offer.” It was a polite rebuff of her offer to help, without ever directly saying that she couldn’t. It was done that way because he didn’t want her to feel as if she needed to do so, or that he was pushing her out and away. It was an emotionally fragile time, after all, and he understood the desire to do something. To do anything. Moving and continuing on with motion kept one from stopping; kept them occupied so that the reality and gravity of the moment didn’t finally come crushing down on them. He knew… that the impact would hit her later, if it wasn’t already starting to do so now.
“You’re fine, Mackenzie.” His tone was lighter for just that moment. “Your dad was grateful to have you here with him in his last moments. It may not seem like it, but it helped him to be at ease.” His words sounded comforting enough, but something seemed to be lurking just beneath them. As if he was offering more than just simple platitudes. Then again, Raleigh had been at this job long enough that he could have simply of known what to say and when it was needed. “You have nothing to apologise to me for. I’m not here to judge you.” Reaching out, he lightly placed his hand on her shoulder for just a moment, his touch warm despite having been out in the cold. It was light and reassuring, and the contact lasted for only a few seconds as he seemed to offer a sense of calm. Of serenity.
“Is there anything you need help with right now?” It was a polite offer once more. They didn’t have to stand around in awkward silence, after all. But he also understood if she needed her space. It was a difficult time for her, but she was still meant to be here. To continue on. This hurdle… was a large one, but even if she may stumble, it wasn’t the end. She wasn’t beyond healing.
Mackenzie:
With… his words back she knew that they wouldn’t allow it. She… had figured as much… but… she was so quiet. And seeming to be so much more worried about them.. then herself. She was trying to keep moving, and she was breathing more shakily now. Later… would be hard. Here in the farmhouse alone. She’d… deal with what she needed to… then break… alone. Its how it had to be. She could only allow herself a moment.
She looked to him, as he spoke to her like that. It was something in the way he said it… in… what had been happening with her, that… she accepted that. She didn’t argue with him, instead.. trusting him and what he said.
-Good Girl…- That voice again… she was trying so hard to make sure that she didn’t seem… thrown.
“Thank you, Raleigh…” She said as he placed that hand on her now bare shoulder. She was cold, and he would feel that off the bat. But… his hand was so warm now. And for a moment… she… looked down. That…feeling was different.
“I… “ She glanced to him. “I.. don’t know where to start…” She was so very honest right then. She bit her lip some, looking to her father again. She was so very alone… and it felt… even more in this moment. She knew that they would all leave. The house… would be quiet minus the animals.
-And me.-
God freaking bless it. Whatever that was… just needed to stop. She moved to her dad a moment, carefully tucking him in. How… sad. Children were the ones that normally were tucked in by their parents. It… was like she didn’t want him to get cold. She backed away, after, starting to move things quietly, so they would be able to get to him more easily.
She leaned against the wall a moment, whatever… that feeling had been… it had been a help… she wasn’t crying right now. But she was lost. She could hear doors, opening outside, and her heart started to pound.
This was it. All of it. She looked back to Raleigh, she… wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words.
When the coroner came in, she was quiet, knowing that he needed to speak to Raleigh and his partner, her arms wrapped about herself, before bringing her thumb to her lips, biting the edge of it as she saw the assistant come in. She was internally losing it now, though outwardly holding it together as best as could be expected.
Sachael:
“You’re probably going to want to try and handle everything on your own, but you don’t have to. This isn’t yours alone to bear. Family will always be there for you. Let them help. Let them share in the tasks. I know it may be hard to try and do that, but it will help. Not just you, but everyone as well. In times like this, we try to minimize hurt for others, but by trying to take it on all ourselves, we accidentally push out those who may also want to help and end up hurting them as well.” There was a moment of pause for a few moments as he watched her, before he looked around again. He was doing it again. Talking too much. Sachael knew that he sometimes had that habit and he tried to stop himself usually, but sometimes he just couldn’t.
Sometimes he just tended to overreach a bit.
“It would be best if you don’t stay alone tonight. Is there anyone you can call?” That was just his opinion, though, and he knew it. He fully believed in what he said, but he knew that he was in no position to force any of his opinions onto anyone. So it had simply been a helpful suggestion. Whatever she chose to do in the end, he knew was her choice.
All choices she made were hers. All he could do was offer advice.
As the coroner arrived, his partner went to meet him and his assistant. There was a brief report given as well as any updates before they all came inside. The coroner introduced himself to Mackenzie and offered her a few more minutes to give her goodbyes before he would politely take her aside to ask necessary questions to get as much information as he could while the others set about the task of properly placing her father into the body bag and into the gurney, and loading it into the coroner’s vehicle.
Once the task was completed, his partner headed back to the rig while Raleigh moved back inside with the assistant.
“We’re going to head off now, as we need to get back to the station. Take care, Mackenzie, and I’m sorry for your loss.” He offered his condolences once more before taking a moment to chat with the coroner once more before heading back out the door.
The coroner would remain a little bit longer in order to make sure he had the most accurate information before he would leave as well.
Mackenzie:
Sachael… he had basically just called her out… exactly what she had planned to do. Exactly… what she was thinking. She was so quiet, as she looked to him, she was listening, she was. “They… are watching after my mom…” She said softly. She was tilting her head some though. “You… are right though.” She showed, she was understanding him, not just… tuning him out as she could have. His words… they helped.
“I…. I don’t have anyone….” It was said so quietly. She… couldn’t think of anyone… and she was thinking… honestly she was. She…. wished she did… because… as the others got there… she knew they would be leaving. The silence would be deafening.
She … was trying to think of what to say to Raleigh, as the coroner introduced himself. She, was grateful, as the coroner allowed her that final moment with him. When… she was done… she kissed his forehead, and backed away her fingers shaking as she let go of his hand, she clasped her hands together.
She was taken aside, but she couldn’t have missed what happened, his body being placed in that cold bag, being zipped up, half listening to the coroner, as he was wheeled out. She was so so quiet, and looking down. “Raleigh?” She got up moving over to him a moment. “Thank you…” She said so quietly to him. “For staying with me..” Her voice was shaky, and honestly, she…. didn’t want him to go. She didn’t feel it was appropriate to say that. “be safe…” She said quietly, as she heard the coroner talking to her again.
She ducked her head, heading back to the coroner to finish answering everything… signing the necessary documents as he left after giving his condolences. She closed the door behind him. Her forehead resting against the door silently.
Her hand, brushed her phone in her pocket, and she sighed quietly. Knowing that… eventually she would have to turn around… and deal with the fallout.
But not just yet.
Not right now.
Another rescue, another day. It was the only thing that she could slightly control in her life, was being able to keep little ones out of the cold. All different animals, she would try and keep them safe, and to the little no kill shelter whenever she could.
It was little things like that, that her dad loved about her. Had always loved about her. He… rather hoped… that she would keep that always. He knew… that his time was short. He had been sick… for a couple of years now. It was always the hardest, when the children were of age to know what was happening. And Mac had been sharp on everything, even with her parents trying to keep her at arms length. Trying… to keep her from everything that was wrong. Trying to make things easier.
But Mackenzie knew. She was smarter than that. That… and sneaker. Twenty one years old… taking on the world… among other things. The last time that he had gone into the hospital, and stopped treatments. She knew it was bad. It was late at night, she had taken advantage of a nurses distraction and peeked to his file. He was terminal. She had been… devastated. But she kept up the ruse. Better than one might have thought.
Thanksgiving past. Christmas past. New Years. And for all intents and purposes, life had resumed some sort of normalcy. For a time. It was a few days after the New Years, that there had been a dive, they had brought him home in November, and he had been there ever since. He had his good days.
And his bad.
And now there was more bad than good.
She had found herself in the church more than once. Middle of the night, praying… but for what? A miracle? Miracles… were not what this town was made of. That was painfully obvious. But… perhaps peace. Something… a bit more tangible. For his family. For him. It was a night in the church, that was the first instance that something was… amiss. She had lit a candle, and swore that she heard someone whisper her name. She had whirled about, there was no one there. She shook her head some. “I’m losing it.”
The second instance, was the night of her dad’s death. She was woken by a whisper… it seemed like it was by her ear… and she gasped looking around her room. –Not long now…- She heard it whispered. And she looked around again. “What… the heck…” She was shaking her head, and got up, tilting her head as she got up. It… was an odd sort of feeling, as she headed into the front room. It had been the only place that a hospital bed would fit in their farmhouse. It wasn’t like he could get upstairs. What surprised her was that he was awake. When she walked in the room. That had utterly thrown her. Considering he had been nearly comatose for the past couple of days.
She walked up to the bed, for once no boards creaking as she walked. “Daddy?” She was quiet as he smiled at her, such… a warm smile.
“Mackenzie… sweetheart… its late… you should be sleeping… but… I am glad that you are here…” His words were slow, a little more labored not that she was utterly surprised by this. The fact that he was able to say so many before catching his breath, was a surprise. She moved to his bedside and took his hand. Her other hand resting atop his as she smiled quietly to him.
“I just couldn’t sleep… glad…that I woke up though… get some time with you…” She offered him a warm smile back. “What are you doing awake, Daddy… do you need anything?” She asked softly she didn’t want to wake the rest of the house.
Her dad merely smiled. “Of course, sweetheart… you… have always taken care of us… of me.” He squeezed her hand, tight as he could. “I’m… sorry you couldn’t sleep. But… things will be better soon.” It was so quietly said. “In the table. Is a small box. Its yours.” He glanced and motioned with his other hand. “Open it… when its time.” He went quiet again, closing his eyes, resting a moment, but his grip on her hand didn’t loosen. Not once was it wavering.
“Daddy… you don’t have to apologize… everything is fine… I can stay with you…and I promise… I’ll get it before I go back up.” She had mentally been telling herself over and over that things were fine. That she was fine and could hold it together. That’s what she did. Its how she was able to be here now, and not in a flood of tears.
He smiled more tiredly this time. “Mackenzie… you and I… both know… that my time here is short. So… much shorter than I had ever wanted. I know… that your mother will be watched after. Her brothers and sisters… will make sure of that. But you… I’ll be able to watch you. No matter what. No matter where I am.”
Mac gripped his hand more tightly. “Daddy… shh…. I know. I do… you…”
He cut her off. “I… am so proud of you. Will always be.” His breathing, was beginning to get more labored, and his grip was beginning to slack.
“Daddy… “ He was smiling… it… was almost serene now. “Nono… Daddy… I love you…”
“I… love you too… Mackenzie…” She glanced to the monitors, was seeing things decrease, and she called for her mom, for the others. She grabbed her phone, calling 911, explaining to the operator the situation. She, had gathered herself together, leaning down and kissing his cheek, her hand not leaving his until her mother took her place. She stayed on the phone, giving the operator all the information they could possibly ever need about his case. And then… they waited… she was still watching the monitors, it was quiet in the room. There was tears from her mother, but she was giving her space with her father.
She had had her time. And she knew… absolutely knew, that this was it.
-It will be ok…- It sounded like a whisper from behind her. And she tensed glancing behind her. She was going off the rails. She was. She was breaking and she knew it. She shook her head, and as the ambulance drove up, she would open the door for the paramedics, her mother, staying there beside him, as Mac was waiting for them to enter.
Sachael:
The call had rang out in the middle of the night, stirring the on duty crew from their slumber. Sachael… well, he had adopted the life and name of his vessel, having found it the easiest thing to do. But exactly how long he had been around and how long he had been going through this same routine was one of those stories for another time. If it was ever unfolded at all. If he had anything to say about it, though, it was something that would remain hidden. It was a dangerous world out there, after all, and he didn’t need to draw any unnecessary attention to himself.
Boots were slid on easily, and his sweatshirt was pulled over his head as he headed down the stairs. His coat had already been left hanging on the side mirror of the ambulance, waiting in case he had needed it that night. Sachael slid into the passenger seat, his partner having barely managed to beat him to the drivers side. ‘Better luck next time, Raleigh.’ He had simply shook his head at that, and grinned.
It was probably for the better. Besides. It was his turn in the back, anyway. “Dispatch, this is medic 53. We’re on our way.” While informing dispatch that they were on their way, he had repeated back the address, age, and reason of the call as they had been presented in case either of them had misheard anything in their rush to wake up and get out on the road. After the confirmation, he radioed into the hospital to let them know that they were out, and give them a head’s up as to what to expect that would be possibly brought to them, should transport be needed.
Once on the scene, he was the first out the passenger side and opening the side door, reaching in to grab the medic bag, oxygen, and heart monitor. It was all part of the routine. Part of the job. He could help people like this. Save them. Or be there for them to help them through their suffering.
His partner was left to handle grabbing the cot, but Sachael knew he could handle it. After all, this was their usual routine. They had worked together long enough to know that they didn’t have to worry about one another. That everything would get handled.
Sachael was the first to meet Mackenzie at the door. “Hey there.” He spoke politely, his tone respectful. “I’m Raleigh. Can you lead me to where the patient is and give me an update on how he’s doing?” He always was spot on with his professionalism. He didn’t let on to it at all, but he could tell that this call….
….well, he knew that it wasn’t going to end with any happy endings. It was an unfortunate fact of life, though. And he knew that quite well. But he would do all that they could, and make sure to respect any family and patient wishes. Should transport be desired, he knew that they would provide that. They always did. But he also didn’t offer false hope, either. He was upfront about everything, upfront about chances, staying within the scope of his practice.
Mackenzie:
When they pulled up, she was glancing back to the monitors, she knew… she just knew. She was so very quiet, as she was telling herself to breathe. That was all that she could do right now. Breathe. Holding it together, was just one of those things. She told herself that she could do this.
She tilted her head as Sachael came to the door, and she blinked, it was.. just that feeling again. She actually looked behind her a moment. “I’m.. Mackenzie. Its my Dad… he’s been sick. His… vitals have been dropping…” She said quietly. “He hasn’t woken back up… he’s been unresponsive.” She glanced down. “I’m not sure… what my mom will wish… at this point. She hasn’t been talking.” She was guiding him towards where her dad was. “Raleigh… I know.” She said softly, before reaching them. “I do.” She nodded a little bit, staying out of his partners way as well as his. He didn’t have to pretend with her. She knew… that it was his job… to… do whatever was necessary, or allowed. But… she knew.
Fairytales and happy endings. She knew that wasn’t in her future. That… it wasn’t, even as much as her Father had hoped it for her. Her mother, she wouldn’t let go of his hand, and Mackenzie came up behind her. “Momma…” Her mother looked to her a moment, as the machines started to beep. His vitals dropping lower… and lower. Until it was that horrible noise as the machines flatlined. Her mother’s attention snapped back to her dad.
Mackenzie closed her eyes, telling herself to hold it together. “Momma…” She was so quiet as her Aunt’s and Uncles started to come in, separating her and her Mom. She backed up… out of the way. She stepped backwards, towards where he had motioned earlier. Had… that conversation happened? She opened the drawer and pulled out a small box. She slipped it into her pocket, as her Aunt requested that the machines sound be turned off. Her mother… had chosen to let him go.
Mackenzie headed to the porch swing, as they would start to enquire to Raleigh and his partner what the next steps would be. It was cold, but Mac couldn’t feel it. It… was shock… a bit. Starting to settle in. Her long hair slipping into her eyes. She didn’t let herself cry.
It was quiet as she opened the box, and shook her head a little bit. It… was a pretty cross necklace. It was small, dainty, her thumb brushed it quietly a moment. She could hear her uncle calling someone, just inside. Saying they would be taking her Momma with them for the next few days. Which… was for the best. She could take care of things here for her. Start… removing the equipment and such.
The snow was starting to lightly fall. And there was a sigh. Of course it was.
She blinked as she heard that whisper again.
-It will be ok.-
She looked over her shoulder, from the direction it had come… then it was the other shoulder.
-Trust him.-
She shook her head. She was absolutely losing her mind. Of course she was. Who was he? That this… mysterious voice mentioned? What… was… this anyway? She felt her stomach turn over, as she could hear movement inside again, they were going to pack a bag for her mom, as they had finally gotten her to head upstairs to change, her Aunt seeing her at the door, headed upstairs to give Mac a moment.
She padded over, a little more than frozen from her short time outside.
She walked over quietly, brushing his hand. “It… will be ok… they’ll watch after her…” She whispered to her dad. “They will…” She said it quietly. “I’ll… be fine… always am…” She leaned down and kissed his cheek so gently. It was still warm.
Sachael:
“I’ll see if I can convince your mother to talk to me.” He spoke with a warm enough smile, knowing better than to make any promises. His words were as comforting as he could offer. When she said that she knew, he didn’t react. There was a small glance in her direction, however, as he gave the smallest of nods. “I know.” It was a simple answer. Diplomatic. And showed absolutely nothing. It could have been as simple as him acknowledging that she knew of her father’s condition and how this was likely to end, or something more. And he wasn’t offering any further clarification to his words. But… he didn’t doubt that she knew. There was no way she couldn’t tell. No way that she didn’t know. But he never once thought that she was entirely naïve or something. But that was neither here, nor there. Instead, he was still right on with asking the necessary questions. “Is there any living will or advance directives that we may need to be aware of?”
But he could multitask easily enough. He could see the monitors around her father and he knew enough of what they were indicating. Protocol still dictated him hooking the man up to their own heart monitor and he ran a twelve lead, taking their own readings as well. He was good at this. He really was. It had gotten so much easier. At both of his roles in life and learning to understand. It was hard work, though. It always was. He always remained aware of his surroundings. Of those who he interacted with and who was around and where. Sachael was careful. Even if he wanted to do something else… to help further… he knew he couldn’t. There was too many people around. Too many eyes watching.
They provided as much comfort as they could, his partner leaving for a few minutes to go back to the rig to call the hospital on the private phone line and give them an update as to what was going on and then to call dispatch and give them an update as well. While he was there, he let them know that it was Raleigh’s call to respect the family wishes and to have the coroner come out. They would remain on scene until the coroner came.
While his partner was doing that, Raleigh was talking to her mother and whoever else was around, letting them know of the next steps. That their dispatch would take care of making the arrangements for the coroner to come out tonight and the other necessary steps that would happen. He also reassured them that they would remain there until then.
When their gear was picked up and stowed away, and after all questions had been answered, they gave the family time to themselves. If it meant waiting outside, that was fine. They were both wearing only their department sweatshirts, but their coats were inside the rig and easy to grab if they needed. In the meantime, they knew that the family needed their own time now. Their presence didn’t necessarily make things easier as they were outsiders. Just there to help make the transition now and answer any lingering questions that they could answer.
In the meantime, it wasn’t so bad standing there, waiting on the porch.
Mackenzie:
When Raleigh said that, she had looked to him quietly, “Thank you… I… appreciate it.” She said softly. She had glanced back to him when he said that he knew, and … that helped. In some way to know that he wouldn’t just… toy with her. Make her hope… when she knew there was none. “That… was between my mother and father… they… didn’t share it with me..” She said it softly, she answered them as best she could, with what she for sure knew.
Her mother, and the others, had come back down, after she had said her words to her father, and she felt her momma hug her tightly. The others, felt it best that she not be here for the coroner. And to be honest, she didn’t blame them. “I’ll… stay. I can handle this. I’ll be by tomorrow…” She said quietly. “I… love you Momma..” She said as her momma said her goodbyes, again, and was ushered away. It left just Mackenzie alone in the house. She stayed there by her dad again for a few minutes, she knew it would take the coroner a bit, in order to get here considering the snow and the late hour. She headed back to the porch… “Raleigh? You… don’t have to stand in the cold…” She said quietly. “Its warm inside… unless… you and your partner need to go… there might be others that you are needing to help…” It was said with such understanding. Calling them… had been a reflex. You don’t just let someone go… you fight… you try. She wrapped her arms around herself quietly, a kitten coming to the porch, so tiny. Mackenzie scooted out the door, scooping it up quietly. “Come on little one… lets… get you warm…” She said softly, she slipped out of her little sweater, wrapping it around the kitten without a second thought. She headed back to the main living room, and set the kitten down on the couch, slipping a pillow beneath it so it could cuddle and get warm.
She looked to her dad again, then down, rubbing the back of her neck. She… didn’t know how to do this. She knew… that she had said that this was fine… that she was fine. But… what even constituted fine anymore?
-You will be in time.-
Sachael:
Throughout everything, he managed to keep a calm, almost peaceful look on his face, maintaining an inner sense of calm that sometimes seemed to radiate outwards. He watched as members began to leave, offering his condolences as they passed, answering any last questions that they still may have had. His partner was there, doing the same.
When all was said and done, he turned his attention to Mackenzie, and offered a warm enough smile. “Thank you. We didn’t want to be too imposing.” It was an offer that they had both accepted, his partner heading back into the warmth of the house first. Raleigh lingered outside with her. “We’re here until the coroner arrives, in case they need any help.” It was the polite way of putting it. Usually, the coroner came with an assistant, but sometimes they came alone and let the paramedics help them load things up. Many hands made for light work.
As she headed back inside with the kitten, he followed as well. “Are you going to be okay?” There was care in that question; concern. It was more of a personal question than a professional one this time around. But he could afford to do that now. And he knew how hard it must have been. Losing someone so close was never easy. And he could sense her pain.
He knew, even if she was trying her best to hide it. Trying her best to keep herself together and maintain a calm exterior. Inside, he knew that she was anything but fine. It was easy to lie to oneself and to others, but sometimes it was extremely hard to lie to him.
Mackenzie:
She… had noticed that look… that peace… and… rather wondered how he managed to do that. Someone… in his line of work… she… just couldn’t envy. The things he saw and dealt with. Life… death… everything in between. She had heard both him and his partner offering their condolences. They… hadn’t had to do that… but they had.
It was Raleigh that had stayed with her outside, as she tilted her head some. “You… wouldn’t be imposing. Not… at all.” She said softly. “Neither you nor your partner.” She spoke quietly. “I… can help as well… if it is necessary…” She was just that kind. She’d be up… packing up things tonight. It… would be hard. But she knew it was necessary.
“I…” She had been so careful with the kitten, so gentle. “I don’t know…” She looked to him quietly for the longest of moments. She knew people.. from when she had been in school.. but… her life had been here. Revolved around her father. Taking care of him and her mom. Making sure that they needed nothing.
She was trying… so very hard… to keep it together. “I… came downstairs… I… woke up…” of course she wasn’t mentioning the voice that she kept hearing. God knows. He would be taking her in the ambulance and having her checked out for being crazy. “He was awake… and… talking to me…” She bit her lip. “He… was telling me goodbye…in his own way… I…” She didn’t know when in talking to Raleigh that the first tears started to fall. Or… why she was even telling him all of this. “I… I’m sorry…” She was trying to stop… to pull herself together. This… wasn’t… he didn’t have to deal with this… with her.
But… it was hard… the first time especially… to stop the tears after they started.
Sachael:
“Thank you for the offer.” It was a polite rebuff of her offer to help, without ever directly saying that she couldn’t. It was done that way because he didn’t want her to feel as if she needed to do so, or that he was pushing her out and away. It was an emotionally fragile time, after all, and he understood the desire to do something. To do anything. Moving and continuing on with motion kept one from stopping; kept them occupied so that the reality and gravity of the moment didn’t finally come crushing down on them. He knew… that the impact would hit her later, if it wasn’t already starting to do so now.
“You’re fine, Mackenzie.” His tone was lighter for just that moment. “Your dad was grateful to have you here with him in his last moments. It may not seem like it, but it helped him to be at ease.” His words sounded comforting enough, but something seemed to be lurking just beneath them. As if he was offering more than just simple platitudes. Then again, Raleigh had been at this job long enough that he could have simply of known what to say and when it was needed. “You have nothing to apologise to me for. I’m not here to judge you.” Reaching out, he lightly placed his hand on her shoulder for just a moment, his touch warm despite having been out in the cold. It was light and reassuring, and the contact lasted for only a few seconds as he seemed to offer a sense of calm. Of serenity.
“Is there anything you need help with right now?” It was a polite offer once more. They didn’t have to stand around in awkward silence, after all. But he also understood if she needed her space. It was a difficult time for her, but she was still meant to be here. To continue on. This hurdle… was a large one, but even if she may stumble, it wasn’t the end. She wasn’t beyond healing.
Mackenzie:
With… his words back she knew that they wouldn’t allow it. She… had figured as much… but… she was so quiet. And seeming to be so much more worried about them.. then herself. She was trying to keep moving, and she was breathing more shakily now. Later… would be hard. Here in the farmhouse alone. She’d… deal with what she needed to… then break… alone. Its how it had to be. She could only allow herself a moment.
She looked to him, as he spoke to her like that. It was something in the way he said it… in… what had been happening with her, that… she accepted that. She didn’t argue with him, instead.. trusting him and what he said.
-Good Girl…- That voice again… she was trying so hard to make sure that she didn’t seem… thrown.
“Thank you, Raleigh…” She said as he placed that hand on her now bare shoulder. She was cold, and he would feel that off the bat. But… his hand was so warm now. And for a moment… she… looked down. That…feeling was different.
“I… “ She glanced to him. “I.. don’t know where to start…” She was so very honest right then. She bit her lip some, looking to her father again. She was so very alone… and it felt… even more in this moment. She knew that they would all leave. The house… would be quiet minus the animals.
-And me.-
God freaking bless it. Whatever that was… just needed to stop. She moved to her dad a moment, carefully tucking him in. How… sad. Children were the ones that normally were tucked in by their parents. It… was like she didn’t want him to get cold. She backed away, after, starting to move things quietly, so they would be able to get to him more easily.
She leaned against the wall a moment, whatever… that feeling had been… it had been a help… she wasn’t crying right now. But she was lost. She could hear doors, opening outside, and her heart started to pound.
This was it. All of it. She looked back to Raleigh, she… wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words.
When the coroner came in, she was quiet, knowing that he needed to speak to Raleigh and his partner, her arms wrapped about herself, before bringing her thumb to her lips, biting the edge of it as she saw the assistant come in. She was internally losing it now, though outwardly holding it together as best as could be expected.
Sachael:
“You’re probably going to want to try and handle everything on your own, but you don’t have to. This isn’t yours alone to bear. Family will always be there for you. Let them help. Let them share in the tasks. I know it may be hard to try and do that, but it will help. Not just you, but everyone as well. In times like this, we try to minimize hurt for others, but by trying to take it on all ourselves, we accidentally push out those who may also want to help and end up hurting them as well.” There was a moment of pause for a few moments as he watched her, before he looked around again. He was doing it again. Talking too much. Sachael knew that he sometimes had that habit and he tried to stop himself usually, but sometimes he just couldn’t.
Sometimes he just tended to overreach a bit.
“It would be best if you don’t stay alone tonight. Is there anyone you can call?” That was just his opinion, though, and he knew it. He fully believed in what he said, but he knew that he was in no position to force any of his opinions onto anyone. So it had simply been a helpful suggestion. Whatever she chose to do in the end, he knew was her choice.
All choices she made were hers. All he could do was offer advice.
As the coroner arrived, his partner went to meet him and his assistant. There was a brief report given as well as any updates before they all came inside. The coroner introduced himself to Mackenzie and offered her a few more minutes to give her goodbyes before he would politely take her aside to ask necessary questions to get as much information as he could while the others set about the task of properly placing her father into the body bag and into the gurney, and loading it into the coroner’s vehicle.
Once the task was completed, his partner headed back to the rig while Raleigh moved back inside with the assistant.
“We’re going to head off now, as we need to get back to the station. Take care, Mackenzie, and I’m sorry for your loss.” He offered his condolences once more before taking a moment to chat with the coroner once more before heading back out the door.
The coroner would remain a little bit longer in order to make sure he had the most accurate information before he would leave as well.
Mackenzie:
Sachael… he had basically just called her out… exactly what she had planned to do. Exactly… what she was thinking. She was so quiet, as she looked to him, she was listening, she was. “They… are watching after my mom…” She said softly. She was tilting her head some though. “You… are right though.” She showed, she was understanding him, not just… tuning him out as she could have. His words… they helped.
“I…. I don’t have anyone….” It was said so quietly. She… couldn’t think of anyone… and she was thinking… honestly she was. She…. wished she did… because… as the others got there… she knew they would be leaving. The silence would be deafening.
She … was trying to think of what to say to Raleigh, as the coroner introduced himself. She, was grateful, as the coroner allowed her that final moment with him. When… she was done… she kissed his forehead, and backed away her fingers shaking as she let go of his hand, she clasped her hands together.
She was taken aside, but she couldn’t have missed what happened, his body being placed in that cold bag, being zipped up, half listening to the coroner, as he was wheeled out. She was so so quiet, and looking down. “Raleigh?” She got up moving over to him a moment. “Thank you…” She said so quietly to him. “For staying with me..” Her voice was shaky, and honestly, she…. didn’t want him to go. She didn’t feel it was appropriate to say that. “be safe…” She said quietly, as she heard the coroner talking to her again.
She ducked her head, heading back to the coroner to finish answering everything… signing the necessary documents as he left after giving his condolences. She closed the door behind him. Her forehead resting against the door silently.
Her hand, brushed her phone in her pocket, and she sighed quietly. Knowing that… eventually she would have to turn around… and deal with the fallout.
But not just yet.
Not right now.